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Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal! You lot were the elephant on the tree, all right but even an elephant knows when it’s not supposed to be there.
For a brief, fleeting moment, you guys were on top of the EPL table, shouting louder than a market woman selling tomatoes.
The noise was deafening! You would have thought they had already won the league. Arsenal fans were dancing etighi on social media like there was no tomorrow.
They even had the cheek to mock us Liverpool fans for waiting 30 years to win the EPL. Yes, we took our time, but at least we got there! The last time Arsenal won it, Olusegun Obasanjo was still in power, and Nokia phones were the rave.
Fast forward to now, it’s 2024, and we are still asking, “Arsenal, how far na?” You’re already 20 years into your own 30-year trophy drought. See life!
Any wise person would tell you that something is definitely not right when an elephant is on a tree. The only question was, who put it there and how long before it came crashing down? And crash they did, like a poorly made Jollof rice pot tumbling from the stove when guests are already gathered at the wedding ceremony salivating.
Let’s stroll down memory lane – 2003-04, the “Invincibles” season when they went unbeaten, and since then, they’ve been doing an impressive impersonation of a magician: disappearing from the title race every year.
Meanwhile, Liverpool almost broke the points record twice, with 97 in 2018/19 and 92 in 2021/22, but Manchester City just wouldn’t let us shine. Arsenal, on the other hand, managed a mere 84 points in 2022/23. Yet, the noise they made, ehn! You would think they were about to solve Nigeria’s electricity problem.
And what were we doing during our 30 years of waiting for the EPL trophy? Oh, nothing much. Just clinching two Champions League titles in 2005 and 2019 to make it a total of six in our cabinet. Not to mention winning the Europa League in 2001, adding to the two we already had.
Now, let’s talk about that fateful night. Tottenham vs. Manchester City when Arsenal fans were buying tickets in Tottenham’s section like suya on a Friday night.
The stadium was filled with undercover Gunners, hoping to cheer their bitter rivals just to see their own team win the league. Talk about irony – Arsenal fans rooting for Spurs. The gods must be laughing.
The atmosphere at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium was like a Nigerian wedding without Jollof rice – awkward and unsatisfying. Spurs fans sold their tickets to Arsenal supporters because, let’s face it, seeing Arsenal suffer is better than Champions League football.
And what happened? Manchester City did the business as usual, winning 2-0. Arsenal fans, who had come to cheer for Spurs (oh, the irony!), left with their tails between their legs.
Spurs fans were unhappy too, but at least they had the satisfaction of seeing their North London rivals’ title dreams crash and burn. It was a Shakespearean tragedy played out in 90 minutes.
And let’s not forget, Jurgen Klopp’s final season at Liverpool didn’t end trophyless. We’ve tasted glory recently enough to remember what it feels like. Arsenal’s last taste of the Premier League champagne was so long ago, that some of their fans weren’t even born yet.
So, Arsenal fans, next time you’re at the top, remember: an elephant on a tree is an accident waiting to happen. As you sit and reflect on your “almost” season, also remember that: it’s not the size of the elephant in the tree, but the strength of the branch holding it up. And in this case, that branch was as weak as your title challenge.
Better luck next season, Gunners, and may the football gods have mercy on your hopeful souls.
